A Letter To 2018

Now that we’re officially at the end of the year, I wanted to say goodbye to the year that’s been in the best way I know how; in a blog post.

To My Boobs

You have been the bain of my life for a really long time. First, lumps when I was 17 and then more while I was on the adventure of a lifetime in Sydney.

You have caused me so many tears; I have hidden you, hated you, and hoped against hope that you would be ok, but you decided to go against all of that and grow an extra lump.

Thanks for that, really kind of you.

As I type this, I’m waiting for a letter from the hospital who did another scan to keep an eye on the lumps that they didn’t remove.

I am terrified that they have grown, or that they aren’t fibroadenomas or Phyllodes tumours, and that they might be something worse. I mean, what else could go wrong this year?

To My Hair

I bloody love you.

I am so sorry that I straightened you and abused you and hated you for 10 years.

I’m so glad that I started my natural hair journey and you are now thriving. I love trying new products and seeing how you react; how you have the tightest little corkscrew curls at the nape of the neck. I even love having to sleep in my ridiculously oversized and very unattractive silk bonnet.

Thank you for being you and forgiving me for all the damage I’ve done to you over the years, and thank you for being so beautiful.

To My Mental Health

This has been the hardest year that I’ve had in a long time.

At the beginning of the year, I had to call The Samaritans¬†because I just couldn’t cope. I thought I had it all figured out then got a new job and promotion within 8 weeks. What a whirlwind!

I couldn’t cope with it all.

I chose to back onto medication to give myself a fighting chance to survive and it was an incredible moment of self-care. I chose to help myself succeed and I am incredibly proud of that.

I still have my down days. I actually cried on Thursday night because it’s been such a hard year. I felt so overwhelmed and I just couldn’t keep it in. I went to bed and scrolled through Tumblr, To The Bone in the background. Triggering AF, yes I know, but I’m a glutton for punishment when I’m that low.

But I will say this.

I am proud of how far I’ve come in a year. It’s been a rollercoaster and I’ve hated a lot of it, but I am a lot stronger than I was.

To My Family

I don’t like you sometimes, I even dream about running away to foreign lands to get away from you, but I love you.

I love coming home to my Mum and sister, bickering that I’ve let my laundry build up so much that I now have nothing to wear. I also love those Sunday dinners when everyone descends on our house and I’m glad for the peace when you all leave.

No matter what I go through, I know that you will have my back and remind me that I’ve survived this long.

To My Amazing Friends

Thank you for coming into my life.

Ellie, Amelia, Lucy, Maggie, Hannah, Lizzie… Even the girls at work, you have made this year as amazing as it could be.

This is going to be the first year that I spend surrounded by incredible friends, drinking posh champagne that I’ve been saving for a special occasion, and laughing until my sides hurt.

This is the perfect way to end a shit year and start a new one.

2019 is our year, and those amazing people are going to be by my side every step of the way.

And Finally, To The Boy That Dumped Me…

Thank U, Next

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